Strength in silence: Raabiha Maan discusses the power of active listening in managing difficult dental encounters and gaining patient trust.
The waiting room fell silent as a middle-aged woman stormed into my clinic, voice echoing off the tiled floor. It was early in my career – I was a 25-year-old dentist just out of my vocational training year and this was my first experience with a truly furious patient. She was red-faced and shouting before I could even offer a hello.
My heart thumped against my ribs. Part of me wanted to retreat under my desk and not come back out. Instead, I took a slow breath, sat forward, and did something unexpected: I listened.
For a solid five minutes, I didn’t say a word. I simply nodded, kept my face soft, and let her vent at full volume. Still panicking inside, I listened. She unleashed a torrent of frustration: she’d been in severe pain for weeks. Prior dentists, she felt, had neglected her concerns. On top of that, she was a caregiver for her autistic son, and juggling those responsibilities with a toothache had pushed her to breaking point. Every fibre of my being wanted to jump in to explain, defend our scheduling and reassure her we weren’t like the others. But I didn’t.
When she finally paused, her anger visibly deflating, I gently responded: ‘I’m so sorry you’ve been through all this. Thank you for telling me.’ I apologised for her pain and the difficult road that brought her here. What happened next felt almost miraculous: her shoulders dropped and her clenched jaw softened. She let out a long breath. In a quieter voice, she said: ‘Thank you for listening… I’m sorry I yelled.’ In that moment, the dynamic between us completely shifted. We sat down and calmly discussed a plan to get her out of pain and begin rebuilding her smile.
Why listening works
Active listening is a well-known concept, but let’s be honest: in the heat of a difficult patient encounter, it’s easier said than done. We think we’re good listeners, yet research shows patients get only about 11 seconds to explain their issue before being interrupted.
Truly listening – without interjecting, defending or hijacking the conversation – is surprisingly rare. But it’s powerful. It allows patients to feel heard, respected, and safe.
The LISTEN framework
Over time, I developed a simple framework I now use to ground myself in difficult encounters. I call it the LISTEN method:
- L – look at the patient. Stop typing, face them fully, and use warm, open body language
- I – invite them to share. ‘Tell me what’s on your mind,’ goes a long way
- S – silence. Let them speak uninterrupted. Even if it’s uncomfortable, let the silence sit
- T – tone and posture. Stay calm, steady and neutral. Your energy sets the tone
- E – empathise. Acknowledge feelings before jumping to solutions: ‘That sounds incredibly tough’
- N – next steps. Only after they feel heard, offer your plan: ‘Let’s work together to
fix this.’
This isn’t about appeasement – it’s about connection. Active listening isn’t passive. It’s an intentional, skilled act that transforms tension into trust.
Final thoughts
That woman? She’s now one of my most loyal patients. She waits without complaint (yes, I do keep her updated… and yes, I am regularly late… and yes, I know that’s not great – but what can I say, I love to chat as much as I love to listen). She even shows up early these days, and always says with a smile: ‘Thank you, Raabiha.’
And all I did was listen.
Listening won’t fix every clinical problem, but it will transform how people feel in your presence. It softens walls. It builds bridges. It gives you, and your patients, the space to breathe.
So next time your ego feels the urge to interrupt, defend or ‘fix’, pause. Listen first. That’s where real connection begins.
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